Moving On

I did it. I moved my blog over to Wordpress. Don't worry, this one isn't going away any time soon. Too scary to just delete the thing. But if you want to read what's new, come see me at my new blog.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t, find out what it means to me...

So I was gone for a few days there. Did you miss me? No? That's okay, I understand, life gets busy. But over here, I was in quite the tizzy. See, we had our long stressful day on Wednesday and I wrote a detailed post about it and then Mean Ol' Blogger wouldn't let me publish. And that hurt man, that really hurt. Seriously, it felt like someone walked up to me mid-conversation and slapped their hand over my mouth. (Ok maybe I deserve this from time to time because I do have the Gift of Babble, but it was still really rude!)

And then, the next morning, I go to use my laptop and the thing will not stay on for more than 2 seconds. The plug connection has been in the process of breaking for a few months now. Like it just decides that it is unplugged (despite the presence of a cord) and then the battery drains down to nothing in ten minutes and shuts the computer off. I was dealing with it, re-plugging the cord every time the battery symbol popped onto my screen... but on Thursday morning it gave up the ghost. So there I was, no laptop, and no blog on which to rant about my lack of a laptop.

But wait it gets better... because also on Thursday? We had snow. yes, Again. A good 6+ inches, enough to close the kids's schools. Yep, that makes 11 "weather related" days school has been closed this year. So I'm wiped from Wednesday, I have no blog, no laptop, and my kids are running around demanding I suit them up to go play outside in the heaping piles of snow in our backyard. It was not a good start to my day. (Thus why I found myself screaming at Hubby and anyone else who got in my way)

Well, after I calmed down a bit, I decided To Heck With This! I don't need to be treated like the Spam someone stepped in! And I started looking for a new place to plop my blog. Honestly at first I was doing it in anger, hoping to hurt Blogger the way that he hurt me. But then I found Wordpress and he offered me so much more than Blogger and even promised to treat me like a real person. So, I think I'm going. But of course it's not as simple as a quick kiss-off and I'm outta here... I have all this baggage; ahem, I mean, archives and links and comments... So, I'm going to try to figure out the best way to make the move this weekend. And I promise to let you know if/when I really go for good.

In the meantime, if you've used Wordpress and had any negative experiences whatsoever, please let me know... nothing lamer than leaving one bad host just to find myself with another one just as bad or even worse.

And if you're in the mood for a little Discussion or want to join an Adoption Book Club, go check out Laurie's Blog.

Okay, that's it. You can go back to your busy weekend now. :)

Shiny New Teeth

First, let me just say, Blogger s*cks. Yes Blogger Employee, I hope you are reading this. Because I am VERY ticked that my blog has been "locked by Blogger's span-prevention robots" ... excuse me, on what planet does my blog even slightly resemble a random spam blog? I take great offense at that, and also? I'm rather annoyed that this post will not publish until an actual person at Blogger takes the time to look at my blog and determine that it is NOT spam!!! (and if this is because adoptionbuzz hijacked my Anglina newslinks the other day and posted them on Digg, well then I'm gonna' have to be ticked at that guy too.)

Okay, now on to the Really Important Stuff: Zeeb's Big Day at the Dentist.

Let me begin by saying that our pediatric dentist rocks, her staff is awesome and the anesthesiologist was wonderful. We got there, the receptionist was friendly and warm, Zeeb played with the toys and computer games. Then they had us go into a little side room where there's a comfortable couch and a little tv/dvd player where Zeeb watched the Thomas the Tank Engine movie on my lap while we waited for the anesthesiologist to come in. (We were the second appointment of the day so we had to wait for the first child to be finished, but it wasn't long). Anesthesiologist is a very long word, so from now on I'll just use his name, Dr. Lee. (I'm thinking that's a pretty common name and also, I would highly recommend him, so no problem using his real name, right?) Dr. Lee was so great. I confess it made me oddly happy that he was an Asian man - almost like he was family or something. Also, he is a dad and has a young son around Zeeb's age so he really knew how to interact with him. He told us what to expect (first a shot to make Zeeb feel "60's groovy" and then he'd take him back to hook him up to the general anesthesia and all that) and also told Zeeb what he was doing. And he did this thing that was so touching and so very opposite from Lawmommy's recent nightmare ER experience... when he listened to Zeeb's heart he told him, "Some children are very special and their hearts sound just like their mommy's. Let's listen to mommy's heart first and then see if yours sounds the same." And then of course, after checking both of us he says "your heart sounds just like mommy's!" I swear, it almost made me cry right there. Of course after that he gives Zeeb the shot and Zeeb cried for a minute and then got all calm and spacy and this kind doctor takes my son from my arms and carries him off to have surgery... Ugh, what a weird freaky feeling that is, to see my little boy carried off like that. Thankfully Husband was there with me and so I didn't get all worked up and upset. But I did feel sort of on the edge of my seat the whole time we waited. So there we are in this special little waiting room of our own and the receptionist asks if we'd like to watch a movie while we wait! (they use those cool dvd viewer things for patients so they had a list of dvd's to choose from) So we cuddled on the couch and watched The Matrix while we waited. Hubby even went and got Starbucks for me. Seriously, can you think of a better way to pass the time while your child is having major dental work done? The receptionist came in every 20 minutes or so to give us an update. Which was rather comical ... "the first two crowns are done, now she's working on a cavity..." Needless to say, the boy had a lot of work done. He has many shiny stainless steel teeth now. (The Grand Total? 7 crowns, 4 fillings and 1 root canal) About two hours later, it was done. We went back to sit with him and wait for him to wake up, which didn't take long at all. It was so surreal, sitting with him sound asleep on the dentists chair, his lips all puffy, and little marks on his face from where they taped his eyes closed and attached the breathing tube. Dr. Lee said he'd probably be a little disoriented when he woke up and that the drugs tend to make kids cranky, and also nauseous... we needed to give him water/juice and then could move on to more solid stuff as he was able to keep things down. And then we were in the car and heading home.

Zeeb was not a happy boy in the car. He really wanted me to hold him, which of course I couldn't. So I held his hand and sang him every pre-school song I could think of, over and over. When we got home, I took him to the couch and he wasn't happy or comfortable, but a Pooh video helped, a lot. And then we quickly discovered that laying down made him puke. Sitting up, he was okay, but leaning back, not so good. And that was how we spent the next 4-5 hours, on the couch and in our bed, sitting with him as he spaced out to the tv but never really fell asleep. Poor baby was rather miserable.

Thankfully, the drugs finally wore off after about 5-6 hours and he was feeling a lot better by bedtime. He ate a popsical and some chicken soup broth and even a tiny bit of brownie. (Which I know was not in the proper order of foods to eat but he saw me and K~ having one and was rather adament about having his own, so I gave him a tiny piece... and he didn't puke it up, so don't yell at me, okay?!)

So it's over and I am very glad. I think it's good that he didn't have this done sooner because his english is so much better now and he understood what everyone was saying to him. And, it would have freaked me out a little to have him all upset and crying in Vietnamese and all that. And he is really truly comforted by me now, which is a good thing and makes me happy. In a way this was like a "bonding" day for us. You know like we'll look back and I'll say, "oh I remember the day you got your new shiny teeth". I'm weird, I know.

Adoptions in the News and Zeeb's Big Day

Lots of topics to cover and only about 20 minutes to do it in...

First of all, did you see that US Olympic Skiier (and Korean Adoptee) Toby Dawson found his biologial father? It's big news today. I think he really speaks for many international adoptees in sharing all the swirling thoughts and emotions he is feeling at this time, as well as his experiences growing up. (Dawson has worked at Korean Heritage Camps and I'm guessing that helps him have the courage to share all of this with the press... just imagine how validating his words must be for so many adoptees!)

Next topic in the news is much more upsetting/depressing... Masha Allen, a Russian adoptee, has recently given testimony before congress about her molestation by her adoptive father. (She appeared on a number of shows, including CNN's Nancy Grace.) I think her testimony should be required reading for anyone involved with adoption, but most especially agencies and social workers. So many people failed this poor girl in a number of ways... but the lack of follow-up after she was adopted is really criminal. If you read the testimony, you'll see that FTIA is involved (as is Reaching Out, the agency we used for our Cambodia adoption). I want to say I have generally good impressions of both of these agencies ... in regards to Vietnam I've never heard anything negative about FTIA. But, I really truly hope they learned something from Masha's experience and are doing better post-adoption follow-up with all of their children, regardless of where they are adopted from. I felt that Reaching Out was very ethical (as much as possible at the time) in Cambodia, but the post-adoption visit we had with our social worker was required by Washington State, not by our agency. This time around, Holt requires post-placement visits at 1, 3 and 6 months. Not just quick email reports, but actual home visits. I admit to feeling like this is a bit of overkill and kind of annoying, but in light of stories like Miss Allens, I'm willing to deal with a little bit of hassel to ensure that we protect every child. So, add this to the list of Questions Every Prospective Adoptive Parent Should Ask Their agency: "What kind of post-adoption follow-up do you do?"

And yes, I put it out of my mind (for the most part) for the last several weeks, but the day is upon us... tomorrow is Zeeb's dental surgery. I'm a little nervous, a little worried, and very anxious to have it over and done with. One small problem... if he's congested, they can't do it. (He has to be able to breathe through his nose). And guess what, he just started a new cold yesterday and was congested all night. UGH. I'm praying by some miracle the cold is gone, or at least he isn't congested tomorrow. Anyway, please keep Zeeb in your thoughts and prayers and I'll let you know how things go - or even if he has the procedure done - tomorrow.

Angelina Jolie and Me

Oh, that AJ... there she goes again, following in my footsteps. I adopt a baby from Cambodia... she adopts a baby from Cambodia. I adopt a 3 year old boy from Vietnam... she's adopting a 3 year old boy from Vietnam. I flit around the world with Brad Pitt... oh wait, that was a dream I had the other night, nevermind!

Seriously though, what do we think about Ms. Jolie adopting from Vietnam? Generally I have a pretty good opinion of Angelina. It seems like she has really matured since becoming a mom and you can tell she loves her kids. I think it's great that she and Brad seem to be very "hands on" kind of parents and their kids go everywhere with them. The question for me is will she be able to circumvent the system that everyone else has to go through when she adopts this child from Vietnam? I don't think she would do so intentionally, but she seems a bit naive about what her money really does for her. When she adopted from Cambodia, she used an agency -- it turned out to be Lauryn Galindo's agency and therefore her adoption was suspect for that reason alone, but you can't really blame Angelina for that. Lots of people used Galindo, she was the biggest name in Cambodian adoptions. But here's the thing - while so many waiting families caught in the pipeline of the INS shutdown had to wait additional months for their children's cases to be investigated before they could get that precious US Visa and bring their child home, Angelina had her son escorted to her (by Lauryn herself) in Africa where she was filming on location. This was not illegal - but how many people could afford to do such a thing? In addition, the media reported at the time that Angelina spent $300,000 in the effort to make sure her son's case cleared. Now, I am not suggesting that Angelina intentionally broke any rules but $300,000 can go pretty far in Cambodia... it can even buy you official Cambodian citizenship.

The media is reporting that Angelina and Brad picked out the child they want to adopt when they were in Vietnam in November. Which is concerning because I don't know how they could do that according to the procedures outlined for a referral. But then, I know from personal experience that the media often gets their facts wrong. Or I suppose it's possible they were already working with an agency and the agency told them about a waiting child and they wanted to meet him personally before accepting the referral. Again, not the kind of thing most of us can afford to do, but not necessarily unethical either.

So, for now I will suspend judgement. And I will hope for the best, for Angelina and for the Vietnam adoption community as a whole. If she's really following in my footsteps, then Angelina will know this time around that doing things ethically is more important than doing them quickly.

family visits and must see TV

It's been a busy week. Monday the Social Worker came for post-placement visit #2. (Required by our agency) We're actually on SW #3 because the first two moved up or had too big of a caseload. Anyway, this social worker was very nice and we chatted for about an hour and a half.

Right after she left, I went back to work cleaning the house for the arrival of Hubby's parents on Tuesday. I didn't finish cleaning until about five minutes before they got here. (Honestly I could clean night and day every day and never finish because there's always someone messing things up (or making more dirty clothes) right behind me.)

I really like my in-laws and always look forward to their visits. This one is a little less fun than usual because my kids' school break got cancelled so we're stuck in our usual school-day routine and that means most of the time the kids are home they are doing homework. But we're making the best of it - we let K~ take the day off from school today to spend the day with her grandparents. (Hubby, K and the Grands are downtown today, thus why I have time to blog). Tomorrow A~ and R~ will take the day off. It's sad how guilty I feel having my kids take a day off from school when they're not sick... I mean, isn't time with their grandparents more important than one day of school?

This visit is significant because it's the first time B~'s parents are meeting Zeeb. It's going well, I think. Zeeb is extra clingy to us and shy around his Grandma and Grandpa but he does get comfortable after a while and talk a little more. It's dumb, I sit there wishing he'd "perform" showing them how many words he knows and how amazingly well-adjusted he is already. But it's actually better (from an attachment standpoint) that he is acting shy and preferring us. I guess I worry that they will judge him based on this one little visit and it will shape the way they view him forever after. But that's really selling them short, I think. They weren't all too sure about adoption when R~ first came home but now they are completely smitten with her. It's not fair for me to think they wouldn't feel the same about Zeeb. I guess it's that older child adoption thing again. Sorry, I'm really kind of thinking this through as I blog, which probably makes lame reading for you.

Okay, enough summary and introspection. On to the Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm??

***Warning, minor LOST spoiler ahead - don't read if you didn't see last night's show yet!!!***

What was with LOST last night? Didn't the previews say we would get answers to 3 Big Questions? Okay, so now we know what Jack's tattoos say (didn't know I was even wondering!); and we know where the Others live... What's the 3rd thing? And can anyone explain to me what was the deal with Jack getting "marked" and the "consequences?" Oh, and what is going on with all the people the Others kidnapped? Have they been brain-washed? Seriously, I think that episode raised way more questions than it answered.

And how many people think Meredith Grey is going to stay dead tonight on Grey's Anatomy? On the one hand, it's Grey's Anatomy and how could that be the title if they killed off Grey? But on the other hand, the previews say the show has a "devastating conclusion" ... and what could be more devastating than Meredith dying? But then on the 3rd hand (and no I don't have 3 hands!) the title of the show tonight is "Some Kind of Miracle" - so that has an optimistic sound to it. Oh and did you know the writers of G.A. have a blog? It's a pretty good read. This is what the head writer said about Derek on the last show:

I don’t know if you remember that in first season, he said to Meredith: “You were like coming up for fresh air. I was drowning and you saved me.” It was good to be able to call that back (everything comes back around eventually on this show, I find) and to see what happens when Meredith is drowning. He’s not Mer’s knight in shining whatever – he gets kicked out the trauma room where Richard and Bailey are working on her. He’s forced to sit out in the hall, helpless. And he’s seeing his worst nightmare come true. Because he’s realizing: Meredith has become so important to him and the prospect of losing her is terrifying. Who is he if he isn’t the guy who rescues Mer? Who is he when he can’t save a life?

Deep... and romantic. Just the way I like my shows to be! :-) I am going to be glued to the TV tonight!

the stuff in my head tonight

I've been thinking about adoption, and how much it affects my day to day parenting. I don't want it to be a big cloud hanging over our home. And I don't want it to color the way I look at my kids. But everywhere I turn lately I'm reading that adopted kids have Issues and I need to honor their culture and heritage and make it part of our normal day to day life. But then I read Elle's Post about her absolute lack of a "primal wound" despite having been adopted. And I read the post from a Vietnamese adoptee on APV saying all she wanted was to be "normal" and she didn't like her parents pushing Vietnamese stuff on her. And so then I'm just confused. And it seems like yet another no-win situation for Mom. There's a lot of those in parenthood, have you noticed that?

And so here I am, full circle, feeling like the best I can do is love my kids and meet their individual needs, whatever they may be (adoption related or not) and stop stressing about doing all the right "adoptive parent" things.

Of course, the hard part is meeting those needs. And it always seems like everyone's needs come at the same time. K~'s Very Bad Habit may not be a Habit, but rather a Disorder... thus explaining why I thought it was gone, and yet it keeps coming back with a vengeance. So, I look for time to spend alone with K~ doing fun things and just being available to her. But then R~ is having behavior issues, which may be jealousy of Zeeb or may just be strong willed child issues, so I feel like she needs some extra time and attention. But wait, Zeeb needs one on one time, because for goodness sake we're still trying to establish the deep bond which will see us through all the ups and downs of life. And at that point I feel guilty because A~ is such an easy going kid that now he's the only one who hasn't had any quality one-on-one time with mom.

If only we could invent the 25 hour day. Surely then I would be the Perfect Mother. (Ha, ha, ha ha... I crack myself up.)